What Happens In Mexico.. Stay’s in Mexico..

Once upon a time we have all heard the very over used and very lame expression “Whatever happens in …. Stays in ….” It has been used for years as an excuse for guys and girls to cheat on each other, act like whores, or pretend like they had a better time then they actually did.  But in some cases it is actually better to leave behind what happened and pretend it never did.

 

I have ridiculed this expression and people who use it for quite some time now. However, what I have found from experience is sometimes shit happens, and you need to say something when people ask you. I have said in the past that there is a story behind everything I write. What I am about to tell you is a true story with all names changed to protect the guilty and the innocent. Or the guilty from the innocent!

 

The Story

One night I got a call from a co-worker Ken saying he and some of his buddies are going down to Tijuana for the night for his best friend John’s bachelor party and he wanted me to go. So I said sure why not, I mean Tijuana is world known for its strip clubs and the things that go on behind closed doors there.  He told me to come to his place in Long Beach and to hurry my ass up. As I pull up to his house I see seven guys outside on the porch smoking cigarettes and pounding some beers. I walk up and introduce myself and about ten minutes later we get into the cars and to head to Mexico.

 

As we got to the border we parked in a lot and took a cab down into Tijuana to prevent our cars from being stolen and turned into boats so Sancho could float across the border and steal even more of our jobs. There was a line of cabs waiting so we jumped into one to get to our destination. As we got into the cab we realized something smelled like baby shit. We were all looking around trying to figure out where the smell was coming from when we all figured it out at the same time. It was the cab driver. This dude looked like a pirate that just fell in a puddle of shit and wiped himself off with a dirtier pirate. So we rolled down the windows and told him to take us to the best strip club in Tijuana.

 

After about 25 minutes of driving we pulled up to a place named Adelita’s and got out and headed in. We start talking shots and pounding beers to celebrate John’s last night as a free man. As the night grew later it seemed like the beer started tasting better and the lap dances were getting longer, or maybe we were just drunk. We looked over and saw John’s hammered ass sitting on a bar stool talking to a couple strippers. We walked over and told the girl’s it was John’s bachelor party and they should take special care of him.

 

While John was getting his “special” lap dances in the corner behind a curtain I see Ken talking to this hot blonde in the corner. As he turns around and points at us she looks over, I knew something good was about to happen. Ken ran over to us a few minutes later and told everyone to give him 20 dollars right now and to not ask questions. After we all gave him the money he told us this is the best 20 dollars we have ever spent.

 

We were all standing there wondering what the hell could possibly happen next. John comes out from his “special” dances with a smile on his face and walks over to us. Just before he could tell us what happened Ken runs over and says “Johnny we all chipped in and got you a special present for your last night as a free man”. Right then the hot blonde walked up to us and grabbed John by his shirt and pulled him up the stairs in the back of the place. 

 

All of a sudden Ken started busting out laughing and tells us to keep watching the door John just went into. So a minute goes by and we started to get annoyed and told Ken if he doesn’t tell us what’s going on we are going to go back to getting lap dances. So Ken told us “Dude, that blonde was a fucking tranny. Just wait you are going to see John come running out as soon as he figures it out!” All I could say was “Wow” that is the best prank I have ever seen. So we all start crying watching for John to come running out.

 

About 25 minutes went by and now we were starting to get worried. Did he freak out and get killed by one of the security guards upstairs? We had no idea. All of a sudden John comes walking out and comes over to us. I was expecting him to freak out and start punching people in the face. All he said was “Dude I cant believe she let me fuck her in the ass”.  We stood there and didn’t say a word. Ken then busts out “Dude that’s awesome”.  I think I threw up in my mouth at that point. John then thanked us for giving him the best night of his life and was ready to go home. We all got in the cab and went back to the border. No one talked about what had happened the entire ride only talking about how drunk they were and how great of a night we had.

 

John went off the next day and got married and is currently living happily ever after with his wife in Southern California. He stills refers to that night as the best night of his entire life. Till this day he still has no idea he fucked another man in the ass the night before his wedding. When asked about what happened in Tijuana that night we only say one thing… Whatever happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico… Until now that is…

The picture above is an actual picture I took. If you look closely underneath you can see the Ray Finkel buldge in the thong!

Posted in: Casey Deville